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Question on Support Options

I'm working on finalizing plans my company's various paid support options. Here were my suggestions, but they all got shot down. Please tell me that my co-workers are idiots and that your companies would have paid big money for this support.

Level	Cost	Response Time	Support
Talc	$1/year	Whenever	Sympathy. Talc support includes an agent who will commiserate with your problem. There won't be a resolution of any kind, just someone who will 'understand' what you're bitching about.
Shale	$5/year	Within a month or so	Response will always be, "We recommend you upgrade to the next level of support."
Obsidian	$100/year	Week?	List of competing products that don't have your unimportant problem.
Patina	$100/month	72 hours	Guaranteed referral to "my supervisor." 8th supervisor offers refund.
Silver	$100/week	24 hours	Answer to your question.*
Gold	$100/day	30 seconds	Answer to the question you should have asked.
Platinum	$100/second	8 hours before you ask	Air-dropped consultants guaranteed to correct issue.

* Answer not guaranteed to be correct.

Comment by Isaac on October 23, 2009 at 10:12pm: So you work for EMC then?

Comment by Adam Ruth on October 23, 2009 at 10:15pm: Ohhh, harsh. My ideas were all rejected, so I'll let you be the judge. :-)

Comment by Isaac on October 23, 2009 at 11:39pm: But were they rejected for being to expensive or for being to cheap?

Comment by Adam Ruth on October 23, 2009 at 11:42pm: You know, they didn't say as they had me escorted off the property. Probably too cheap.

Comment by Isaac on October 23, 2009 at 11:48pm: I think I found the issue with your support options; you don't mention consultants until Platinum support. Consultants should be the answer to any problem ...

We're sorry the product we sold your doesn't work. Surly it's something in your infrastructure! We're happy to have our professional support services resolve the issue for only $500 an hour (20 hours minimum)!

Comment by Adam Ruth on October 23, 2009 at 11:53pm: I think you're on to something. Each level should have an increasing number, cost, and attractiveness of the consultants (note that competence isn't in the list.)

Comment by Isaac on October 24, 2009 at 12:03am: Ok! Now your definitely thinking like the big boys! But I also think you need something in there about resolving serious problems that impact your mission critical apps by taking the CTO on a round of golf.

Comment by Adam Ruth on October 24, 2009 at 12:15am: Yes, great idea, and we'll call it "Proactive Troubleshooting."

Question on Support Options

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